My first tender moment as a mum.

Today I experience my first tender moment as a mother.

I started giving Laetitia a feed around 7.30pm. When she was done with the first breast and was being offered the other breast, she suddenly vomited! It was not a small spill of milk but an awful amount of curdled milk. I remember thinking, that's probably 2 feeding of milk she just puked. There was vomit all over me and her. I shouted for my mum to help me (thank God that Mum is around). Mum quickly came over and took Laetitia off me and asked me to go clean up. At that moment I was still pretty calm thinking, oh, it's a good thing there's no vomit on the bed.
After a quick clean and change, I went to Laetitia's room where I thought mum was changing her. When I entered the room, I realised that Laetitia was wailing her lungs out and seemed to have difficulties breathing. Mum was holding her on her belly trying to make sure Laetitia was not choking on her puke and also facilitate the vomiting if necessary.

What was hard for me is that I was helpless. I didn't know what I could do to help my baby girl relieve the discomfort or pain that she is experiencing. For the first time, Laetitia was crying with tears rolling down her pretty cheeks. My heart was breaking seeing that my little one is in much agony. At the same time, I was worried that there was really some puke that choking her as she was lying down when she vomited. Finally, we managed to change her. We could still hear that her breathing is a little obstructed, it sounded like there was more phlegm or vomit in her throat. As I held her close to my chest calming her down, I was overwhelmed with heartache for my darling. My heart broke with her cries and each sound of choking breath. Seeing her tears brought tears of my own. I realised how precious my petite chouchou is to me.

By then, Etienne had came home with my parents -in-law who had arrived just today to spend some time with their grand-daughter. Initially he did not realise the extend of the stress I had just experience but soon he became aware that I was experiencing a tender moment with what just happened (it was obvious when my tears were rolling down from the heart pain of seeing my baby being sick).

There was much hustle and bustle in the apartment as we were hosting a dinner at our place that very moment. Aside from my in laws, Etienne's granddad Jean is also here. We took a moment away from everyone, stayed in our room and just prayed that the Lord would remove the discomfort or pain from Laetitia and also to fill me with strenght as a mum. I pretty much spent most of the time in the room just holding Laetitia close on my chest while Etienne attempt to keep up with the rest that is happening (preparing the dinner with my mum-in-law and being with my father-in-law and Jean).

After several offers from mum to take Laetitia from me so that I could go eat something and be with our guest for a while, I finally relented when mum said she will watch Laetitia and pray with her at the same time. I think something clicked inside me that yes, I have to trust the Lord to protect Laetitia. For my mum who have not received the Lord as her personal saviour to want to pray to Jesus to heal Laetitia and make her well showed me the hands of God is in my family. As a mother, and after this little episode, I know there might be other times where I will feel fear, heartache, worry etc for my baby but I have to learn to trust in the Lord and have faith that He has good things planned for Laetitia and this family and His protection is always over us.